That's Stay at Home Mom, for the uninitiated. A week from today the babies start daycare. A week after that I start back to work. Today is my last Monday home with them (until Presidents Day, but that's not the same). I can't even say I have mixed feelings about this. I am 100% dreading going back to work and being gone from them for 12 hours a day. I wish I could immediately start freelancing from home while watching the kids, but that's not in the cards quite yet. Hopefully in the next year or so, but right now I'll be working for our amazing health insurance and other benefits my employer offers.
I know the kids will be fine at daycare, that it will be good for them to get to "know" other adults and babies, that they will probably get more tummy time and new ways to play, etc etc. But knowing isn't the same as liking. I fully expect to tear up a little, both next week and the week I go back to work. Which reminds me, I need to print out some pictures to put at my desk. Luckily my boss is letting me start back at reduced hours that first week, so that should help.
As should my massage and hair appointment I have scheduled for next week. Part of me is looking forward to having a week at home to veg, to go out without babies in tow, to have a few hours a day where I am not always thinking about the babies' needs. I was supposed to have three weeks of bedrest before they came and only had one, so I see this as a bit of a continuation of that. Hard to believe it's been almost 15 weeks since I was at work, since that cab ride through Times Square (stupid cabbie!) when I said goodbye to the city for the next few months. It has both felt like forever, a lifetime ago, and like a blink of an eye. Funny how that happens.
I guess all this is just to prepare you for any wacky, overly emotional posts that might result from all of this change. I know millions of moms have gone through this exact scenario and survived, but now it's my turn, and so it feels completely unique and terrible. Indulge me for a bit, please.
It is freaking terrible going back to work. Awful, emotionally painful, even physically painful for a piece (or in your case pieces) to be missing. It took a good year before it didn't HURT! You will get through it though :-)
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ReplyDeleteI was DREADING going back to work. And then it was fine and I am actually really happy to be back now, but I have a job I love and a daycare arrangement that couldn't be much more perfect. Believe me, I know how lucky I am. And I really feel for you. I hope you can switch to full time freelancing VERY soon.
What a wonderful idea, sending them to daycare a week early!! This way they'll be adjusted to the new routine well in advance and you get to have some time to yourself. I think that was a brilliant move.
As much as it sucks to be away from the babies, that moment when you see them at the end of the day and they smile and reach for you - that moment is AWESOME. So you can look forward to that, at least.
Don't worry about being overemotional. You can be as emotional as you like. I hope it won't be as bad as you think but we'll be here, no matter what.
*big big hugs*
Thanks chica. I know we'll all survive it. and yeah, I'm kind of looking forward to my week "off" on some level. Mainly the "getting a massage" level haha.
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