A Letter to Indigo at Three Years Old (YIKES!)

Dear Indigo,

We got into a routine, you and I (and Daddy too, though he less willingly) over the past month or so. Every morning around 6am—though sometimes 3am, if we’re honest—you would pad into our room, give a plaintive, “Mommy…”, and I’d lift you into our bed, put you between us, and fall back asleep as you snuggled in. And kicked Daddy in the face. I often wouldn’t even recall you coming in; I’d just wake up with you beside me. Sometimes I’d try to cut you off if I heard you getting up, try to bring you back to bed, to no avail.  You took my hand one time, said “Come on, Mommy,” and led me to my bed, snuggling in even closer than normal. It was adorable. When we informed you that it was time to move to your big boy room upstairs, you bawled like the three-year-old you are soon to be. “Can I still come in your room in the morning?” I reassured you that yes, just call for me and I will get you. But it hasn’t happened yet. You seem quite content in your new room. Which breaks my heart just a little bit.

Yet when I see you building giant towers, doing puzzles, or when you tell me a fantastical story about a dinosaur and a monster, I can’t help but be happy to see you growing up, learning, using your imagination, becoming more YOU with each day. You are still my quiet, snuggly boy with a biting temper (literally, you randomly bite; please stop). You still seem to feel things deeply, like when you began crying about preschool and how different and loud it was, how it scared you. Such feelings I hadn’t really processed that you had yet. Such big feelings for such a little boy. 

I often wonder what is going through your head as you stare out the window at dinner, watching the birds and the trees. Or at night, when you lie in bed, eyes open, staring into nothing, thinking, thinking, thinking, taking forever to fall asleep. What huge thoughts so occupy your little world? From the beginning, you have been my worrier, concerned about the world around you, even as your sister stared it down and said, “Bring it!” I have photos of you, weeks old, with huge, worrying eyes. You are more like me than you yet know. I am a worrier. I, too, stare into the night thinking, thinking, thinking. I like seeing that we are alike, but I wish it were in other ways. Try to live life a bit more freely, a bit less worried. You are surrounded by people who love you and will protect you, for as long as possible, so don’t fret . . . yet.

But you also feel joy deeply, with your big, whole-body, infectious laughter. I love that laugh more than almost anything in the world. Your eyes light up and your entire face along with it. I hope to find more ways to make you laugh instead of worry. 

You love playing pirates and are pretty good with a lightsaber. Your obsession is Paw Patrol now, not Elmo or even Mickey Mouse. You can sing the theme song and say all the catch phrases. You take my phone and call it your Pup Pad and summon the Paw Patrol “to the lookout!” I love it. 

This week you guys discovered Wall-E. You get so anxious for him, jumping up and down and yelling at him to run, to look out, to go faster. You run in and out of the room, barely able to take the suspense, but you love every minute of it. One of these days I'll catch it on video, before it all becomes old hat. Seeing your excitement makes me so happy.

You love running around outside, especially if it’s away from me as you look back with that devilish grin you got from your father. You enjoy reading books (repeatedly) and going to the library. You are doing great at preschool, learning to identify your letters and numbers, and to write them too! You love pasta with sauce, bananas, pears, and grapes. We’re still working on the veggies. You are doing pretty great with potty training, and I’m so excited to get you out of diapers once and for all. You still won’t pedal your tricycle, because it’s just easier to push along with your feet, but I know one day you’ll wake up and simply get it. You love playing in the sand at the playground, less so going down the slide. I’m wondering if you have a fear of heights. You love your sister, too, and it’s the best thing ever when I see you working together on something instead of fighting over it. You are good at sharing, once reminded. You like to help me around the house, and I let you, even though it’s really no help at all. 

In short, you are a three year old. My little three year old baby boy. Happy Birthday.

Love,

Mama

A Letter to Indigo at Two Years Old

Dear Indigo,

My, how time flies when you're having fun. Or when you are sleep deprived. Either way, here we are. You are two years old. Twenty-four months. 730 days. And not a baby anymore. You are a little boy, in love with trucks and school buses and dinosaurs. You rock a pink fedora and love pushing the pink and white pony toy around Nonno and Nonna's house. You are confident and loving and your laugh is definitely one of the best in the world. "Bubble Guppies" is your favorite tv show, and you love to dance when they sing.

I can't even list your vocabulary any more -- you pick up new words on what seems like a daily basis. When I walk through the door after work you turn around in your booster seat and your face lights up and you shout, "Mommy's here!" and then you point to the seat next to you and say, "Sit, mommy!" And Lord help anyone else who tries to sit there, in "Mommy's chair." Everyone has assigned seating, chosen by you and Periwinkle. You both love your routines, the familiarity of dinner at Nonna's table, with daddy in his chair, and mommy in hers, and everyone else settled appropriately. Dinner with milk, and then a cookie. Sometimes two.

You still resist going to sleep some nights, but there are more stretches of "easy" evenings, where Daddy and I get to eat before 9pm. Glorious evenings.

You are opinionated, refusing to brush your teeth until I threaten to use your toothbrush myself. You want to carry your own bag into daycare. You proudly lead me to the classroom door every morning, helping silly mommy who just can't seem to remember where it is.

You shout excitedly when we drive past school buses, letting me know, "Mommy, bus! Look there, mommy! Bus!" And then we drive away, and you sweetly ask, "More bus, Mommy?" as if I can make them materialize out of thin air. Luckily, the town usually comes through with at least one more bus as we drive along. Phew.

You still have a bit of a temper, an abrupt shift from my snuggly, sweet boy into a frustrated mess of emotion, and your go-to action is to bite. Sometimes you think it's funny and bite even when you aren't mad. If you try to bite your sister, she gets such a superior tone to her voice as she tells you, "No bite, Inno! Not nice!" It's kind of adorable, but please stop trying to bite her. Remember, angry dinosaurs can stomp and shout, but they never hurt other people. One of these days that will sink in. We are trying to help you express your anger and frustration in other ways, and you KNOW "No bite!" but you still don't always follow that rule. You, like all of us, are a work in progress.

You have had many successes on the potty, but we aren't pushing that too hard. It's fantastic when you lead me to the bathroom and then actually GO though. School is working with you on potty training, too, which is great. One of these days you'll get there! I'm just so proud that you are trying. I'm not going to lie, I'm looking forward to you both being out of diapers. So is my wallet.

You've been at your new daycare for two months now, and you are doing amazing. We have been told so many times how polite you both are, saying "Please" and "Thank you" without being prompted. Such a little man! You play with trucks nicely with your new friends, help clean up, and enjoy all the arts and crafts you do there. Last week you made a scarecrow, which you proudly show me every morning. I picked up your school pictures today, and was blown away by how mature you look.

They say we're entering the "terrible twos" but I have to say, you are at my favorite stage thus far (of course, I've said that at every stage thus far...). You are fun and funny, and we can have actual conversations. You are just starting to use your imagination, which makes playing with you so new and exciting. You are helpful and thoughtful, asking "Okay, Mommy?" if I seem upset and giving hugs all the time. Thankfully, you are still my snuggle bear.

Basically, I love you, little man. Now and always. Happy Birthday!

Love,
Mama

A Letter to Indigo at 18 Months

My Little Man,

Sometimes I worry that you think your name is "Buddy" because we've called you that so much. We've been searching for a nickname for you since you were born. My first idea got shot down after a few weeks, but luckily your sister has come up with something adorable that we are all calling you now. I'd love it if you tried saying her name more often, just so we can hear how cute it sounds.

Right now you mainly just yell, "Elmo!" a lot. You are obsessed. You hear the song for "Elmo's World" and you get so excited. One time I thought you were going to jump out of the bathtub when it came on. And heaven help us if we try to bring you up to bed while "Elmo's World" is on!

We got you both little Elmo stuffed animals when we took away your pacifiers. I hoped it would be a worthy substitute, having your BFF hanging out with you in your crib. Boy, was I wrong. I feel absolutely horrible listening to you cry at night. You cycle up and down, upset and calm, each time making me think that you will now fall asleep. You are trying so hard to fall asleep, but you haven't learned to self-soothe yet, so it takes you over an hour. Periwinkle will cry with you for a little while because you are keeping her awake, and then she somehow drifts off into sound sleep while you are still going. But before she does, she tries to comfort you, rubbing your back and saying your name calmly. She loves you and just wants to help you. Can you help her and try to be calm as you are falling asleep?

Sometimes I take you out of the room to give you a break. We'll pull up the blinds in our bedroom and show you the cars going by. You love watching cars. When we're in the car and another one drives past, you say, "Car!" in this little voice full of wonder. I think they make you happy. This probably makes your great-grandpa happy, because he LOVES cars.

After this little interlude, and sometimes going downstairs for some milk if you are SUPER worked up, you'll go back into your crib and fall asleep. I'm not sure if you just need reassurance that mommy and daddy are still nearby, or if you're playing us because you know we'll come back, or if you just need more time to learn how to fall asleep without a pacifier... but I hope you get over it soon! Sometimes we don't get to eat dinner until after 8:30pm! But seriously, it makes me sad to hear you cry, and I hope you get better at bedtime soon, for your own sake. Sleep is wonderful. Trust me.

Besides our nighttime struggles, you have been a wonderful, sweet little boy. You still love snuggling, when you're not trying to con us into giving you more pretzels, or opening and closing doors, or trying to make a break for it out the front door so you can run around "ow-side." Sometimes you stand in the front doorway and watch the boys next door playing basketball, and I know you really want to go play with them. You love playing in the little house in the backyard, mainly interested in opening and closing the door and shutters and pushing the little doorbell. I love that you're so engaged with it.

I love watching you explore new toys, completely concentrating on how they work and what you can do with them. You and your sister quietly played with a new stacking train for almost an hour, without making a peep. It was fantastic! You shared, and took turns, and divvied up the toy, like such a big boy and girl! I was so proud of you. I love when you share, which sometimes you don't want to do. You get upset and sometimes hit and bite, especially at daycare. We are working on you finding other ways of saying, "I'm mad!" and I know you'll get there soon. When you are little you just don't know how to express how you feel. You don't even know how to know what you feel. Periwinkle sometimes just shrieks and throws food when she's frustrated she can't get out of her chair. I'm sure mommy and daddy did the same thing when we were little. It's okay. We'll work through it!

You are also a very helpful little boy. We ask you to bring your sister's lovey or sippy cup, and you trot right over with it. You shove it in her face, drop it, and walk away, but the intent to help is there. You are very chatty when you want to be, and very quiet when you want to be. You remind me of your uncle (my brother) in that regard. Your crazy reddish-brown curls remind me of him too, although the curls could also come from daddy's side. Your nonno and Zio Pippo have curly hair too. All I know is that I love it. You had such short hair for so long, and now it's growing and curling and it's pretty amazing.

Everything about this age is amazing. You make such fun, silly faces and laugh with such pure joy, I wish I could just exist in that moment with you always. I so love when you are happy. It lights up the room. I love watching you walk hand in hand with Daddy down the street, two men on the move. I love how exuberantly you hug your sister, and the sound of your "mwha!" when you blow a kiss across the room. Your high fives make my day, and I love the way you cling to me with such a firm grip when you don't want me to put you down (but I have to sometimes).

You may be a year and a half old, but you're always going to be my little man, my "buddy," the first baby I brought home, my little love.

Just stop calling Daddy "mama" okay? I'm pretty sure you know exactly what you are doing and how much it drives him crazy. But I think the joke has played out now, okay? Tell your sister to stop, too. He's "Daddy" or "Papa" or "Dada." Got it? Good!

Love,
Mama

Where Is Spring?

Who knew, when I last posted in January, that three months later it'd still feel like the middle of winter? We keep getting teasing days of warmth followed by another flurry of snow or frigid "Polar Vortex" days. Uncool, Mother Nature. Uncool.

When it is nice out, the kids love to run around outside.

That's right, run. Since I last posted, they have figured out walking and moved right along into outright running. They cannot be stopped. We take them out the front door and they want "Down" and they want it NOW, and then they want to frolic straight into the street. Or to sit down in some muddy grass.

This is what they've driven me to.

We briefly dabbled with letting them walk in and out of daycare, but soon they realized they had this thing called FREEDOM and another thing called DIVIDE AND CONQUER and we were lost. Indigo would be picking up cigarette butts while Periwinkle cruised into an oil slick. So, no more. At least not for a little while.

We did have one glorious day on which they got to run around outside in the backyard playing with their little house and running after a soccer ball (they get that from Blue), and another day on which we went to the local children's museum. It's so wonderful getting to go and DO things with them, as opposed to just lugging them around to whatever we are doing.

At the children's museum. Can you imagine this many of them?

There have been meltdowns (Periwinkle) and pretzel binges (Indigo) and sleepless nights (all of us) but mainly, we are doing well. This age is truly a blast, and I'll be writing more about their individual progress in their 18 month letters. (crap, I just realized they turned 17 months this week and I didn't even realize it! Worst mom ever over here...)

Sorry for the blurry photo.

I just wanted to say hi to whoever is still out there reading. I'm going to try to post more often as we get out and about more and experience life with two TODDLERS.

Taking a break from toddling and looking adorable. They're lucky they are cute!

(On a side note, I've lost 20 pounds since starting Project Sheep Rescue in January 2013 and for the life of me I can't find the damned sheep sweater for a "midway" photo. 20 pounds to go...)

A Letter to Indigo at Eleven Months

Dear Indigo,

My little cuddle bug. You've come a long way from being that scrawny "velociraptor" you were in the hospital, although you've still got quite a set of lungs. Lately I've been wondering if you are confused and think you are going to be turning two, not one, because you seem to be breaking out the temper tantrums a bit. You seem to get into fights with the shape-sorter cube on a daily basis, which end in you face down on the blanket screaming. We really wish we knew why you were getting so frustrated, but we'll keep trying to help you out.

Turning into a little boy.

And the other side of the coin, you are a gentle, sweet, and loving little boy who loves snuggle time with Mommy and Daddy, but especially Daddy. You've gotten into the habit of crying at bedtime again. We don't want you to prevent your sister from sleeping, so we remove you from the room and you end up falling asleep on one of us. The past week or so, I've tried to break this habit. I'll hold you until you are calm and sleepy, but awake, then put you down in your crib. You start to cry again but I quickly soothe you by rubbing your back and behind your ear. Eventually, you are asleep. Last night I didn't even have to hold you (but I did miss those snuggles). I just kept rubbing your back. If I stepped away, you started to cry, but a reassuring, "Mama's here" calmed you down again. I think you miss us. I think we don't get enough time together during the week so you just soak it up on the weekends and at bedtime. I'm sorry, little man. We miss you too.

More hugs!

But you are making so much progress at daycare and we are so proud of you. You are getting better at waving, and are a pretty awesome high-fiver. You stand with such pride, and I know you'll be walking, holding our hands, just as fast as your sister, any day now. But best of all, you are so expressive. You tell detailed stories with such earnest facial expressions, such perfect inflections of your voice, I can almost understand what you are saying in your baby babble. I do love a good story.

High Five!

You are definitely having fun testing your boundaries. You will repeatedly grab at bottles in the wine cabinet, turning around to look at us with a sly grin when we call your name and tell you no before reaching for them again. You think the tray of DVDs under the TV is yours to play with, and you recently discovered one of the cabinet doors moves. Part of all this is the many bumps and falls you've had as you realize the ottoman rocks back and forth and the new stroller will roll away from you if you try to pull up on it. But you keep trying. You are one determined little boy.

You braved your flu shot at the doctor's office, and are 22lbs even and 29.25 inches long. Your head circumference is 46cm. You are in 55th percentile for weight, 58th for height, and 69th for head size. Basically, you're right on track!

Trying to escape?

You are really into books lately, especially the one that makes animal noises. Every time I push the puppy and it barks, your face gets this look of such astonishment and delight and you give a little shout as if saying, "Mama, did you hear that? Amazing!" It's perfect. You like turning the pages, even if you are holding the book upside-down. And you love pointing to the kitties. I think you are making the connection with our two kitties, and I love it.

Nothing like a good book

One of the best parts of my day is still picking you two up at daycare. The second I walk through the door and you two realize I'm there, it's off to the races. The baby races, that is. You both just bolt for me across the floor. If I pick one of you up, the other will cry. If I pick neither of you up, you both cry. There is no winning. But I just love how excited you are to see me, because I am just as excited to see you. We put on some kids music in the car on the way home and have a grand old time singing along to "The Wheels on the Bus" and "Old McDonald." You seem to really enjoy the sound effects.

Let the race begin!

I love you, little man, with a "moo, moo" here and a "moo, moo" there.

Love,
Mama

Checking out the ground

A Letter to Periwinkle at Eleven Months

Dear Periwinkle,

Eleven months. Is that it? Only eleven months knowing you; your smile; your sweet, sleeping face? Impossible. You bring such joy to our lives every single day that it seems a part of us must have been missing before you came into the world. And lately you have been bringing that joy in such fun new ways.

What's up, Mama?

You can now wave and say, "Hi!" in this adorable, chipper voice. One rare night when you fought going to sleep, I was holding you and you just kept waving and saying, "Hi!" like that would somehow save you from bedtime. "Look, Mama, I'm doing that thing that always makes you smile! See, I'm waving!" It didn't work. Mama won that battle. But it was damned cute. We're working on "Bye" now, although you will wave and say, "Hi" as we leave a place. Daddy says we should have taught you "Ciao" instead, since that works both ways. We'll get there.

This past week you also brought "Uh oh" into the picture, out of the blue. You'll say it and then drop something (wrong order, sweetie). And sometimes we'll just hear this little voice from the backseat saying, "Uh oh." Always with a slight pause in between. Daddy and I just crack up sometimes because it is just too cute we can't take it anymore.

Red Sox girl (to Daddy's chagrin)

You also learned how to high-five at daycare. I'm hoping since you are getting good at these hand gestures you'll soon start doing some of the baby sign language too, especially "all done" and "more." Sometimes you don't want your whole bottle anymore and you slap it away and we end up with formula everywhere. A simple hand gesture would be much cleaner, thank you.

So much hair!

You've also started sticking up your pointer finger. I'm trying to get you to associate that with the question, "How old are you?" so maybe by your birthday (in only a MONTH) you'll be able to proudly raise that little chubby finger in response. We'll see how that goes.

You also seem to be using that finger to actually point at things. You pointed at the Cat in the Hat stuffed animal Grandpa G got you but then seemed apprehensive when it got closer to you. You two are still in negotiations about physical boundaries, it seems.

Pointing at the Cat in the Hat

Another foe is the big orange ball. It started out in the pool but has come inside since your brother really likes it. But we keep it away from you because if it gets to close to you, you cry and cling to us. We get it, baby girl, we'll keep you safe. Except in "Chloe's Color Book" (thank you Citrus Lane) there is a big orange ball, and you always point to it when we get to that page. Always. And almost never do you point at anything else in the book. It's as if you are working up to the REAL orange ball by touching the one in the book. You'll get there.

Exploring

You are now a pro at walking around holding our hands. You pull up on your crib constantly and are starting to make your way around it on your own. You pull up on basically anything you can. A few times, you've been standing holding my hands when you let go, and you stood on your own for at least five seconds before you fell onto your rump. I don't think you even realized what you did, but I was so proud.

Not the safest choice for pulling up

You're also quite the prolific artist. In your new daycare room, where you are doing quite well and are apparently the "boss", even of kids older than you (that's my girl! Taking after Mama!), fingerpainting is a near-daily activity. You've painted apples, leaves, handprints, and a snake. I guess it's time to buy some art supplies for our house!

Turn off the flash, Mama, it's 6am

This month we went to the Big E in Massachusetts with Grandma and Grandpa. You saw lots of big animals and were very brave around them, and also quite fascinated by them. You also went to the doctor. You are now 20lb 13oz and 28 inches long. You got your flu shot like a champ. The doctor said you are perfect.

I'm so proud of all your accomplishments this month. You are so engaged with the world around you and you just soak it all up. Keep learning, little girl. Learning is pretty awesome.

Love,
Mama

Starting to "read" books

A Letter to Periwinkle at 10 Months

Dear Periwinkle,

You, my little baby girl, are giving us a run for our money. You are now a speed demon at crawling, and before I've walked out of the room you are halfway across it trying to follow me. You crawled over to the liquor cabinet the other day and tried to open it. Time to get some latches on the doors! If we put your bottle on the floor, you give a little cry then crawl over to it at super speed. It's adorable. It's also time for baby gates, as you put your arms up on the bottom step, so I know attempts to climb the stairs can't be far behind.

You're holding steady at two teeth, which you show off with your adorable open-mouth grins. You're using those teeth to tear through chicken, pork, and black beans, which seem to be your new favorite food.

This month you had a lot of firsts. First bath in the big tub. First time in swings at the park. First time in a grocery shopping cart. First eight steps while holding my hands. That's right. You walked a little bit! And quite speedily, at that! You've also pulled up in the crib a few times, although I still haven't seen that.

You also got your first denim skirt and your first pigtails. Completely cute.

 

You seem fascinated with putting things in buckets and taking them out again. I hear this is an important learning game for you babies, so I'm proud of you for working on it so intently. However, you are seemingly terrified of the large orange ball we have. Your brother loves it, but you just start shrieking.

In general, you sleep great. It doesn't seem to matter how you nap during the day, at 6:30pm you are out like a light. And at 6am, sometimes earlier, you are awake and chipper, sitting up and trying to pull up on the crib. You also try to get toys off the shelf next to your crib, so I sometimes find those in your crib with you!

You are my little troublemaker for sure, and I love you for it. I can only imagine what you have in store for us as we get closer to your first birthday!

Love,
Mama

A Letter to Indigo at Nine Months (pretend I wrote it two weeks ago)

Indigo,

Sorry I'm so late writing this. It's going to be hard going back in time two weeks, because you've accomplished so much since your nine-month birthday, but I will try so I have something to write about in two weeks when you turn ten months old (slow down, will you!?).

This month was a busy one for you. First off, you and your sister got baptized on June 30th. You were completely adorable in your white outfit. You didn't cry when the priest poured water over your head. In fact, you pushed off against Daddy and almost went all the way in!

Baptized babies!

The next day we took you both out to eat for lunch for the first time. You were both very well behaved. You enjoyed little pieces of what we had, and you didn't even throw much onto the floor! You saved that for your toys. I think you've discovered a new game... We enjoyed it so much, we took you out again later that week! It's so nice being able to do that now. It gives us a little bit more freedom and flexibility. We just have to make sure we time it to your naps so you aren't super cranky in the restaurant!

What mashed potatoes?

You also went into the pool for the first time. You weren't sure at first, ever my cautious little man, but you love it now! There's a big orange ball you like to chase around, although one time Daddy may have bounced it off your head a little too vigorously.

During our week on the beach you showed off how well you sit up on your own now. You even started doing a little bouncy dance while you sit. It cracks me up. You just get so excited and can't contain it, so you bounce and make your adorable little excited noises. You do this every time you see one of the cats. Unfortunately it usually scares them off. You'll get to play with them someday, I hope.

Supportive big brother

You've also gotten more steady on your feet, although you don't pull up to standing yet.

When we brought you down by the water you were very, very concerned about the waves. You would cling tightly to us, tapping us on the shoulder and grunting as they came closer, as if warning us to watch out. But by the end of the week your cautious fear had turned to cautious excitement, and you even let us dip your feet. But in general, you preferred the kiddy pool up on the beach.

A wave is coming, Mom!

Fun in the kiddy pool with Grandma!

You were really thrown by the new location and sleeping in the pack n play. You cried. A lot. You took hours to go to bed the first four nights. You woke up your sister. We eventually split you two up, gave you a mattress pad, sang you many songs, told you many stories, and by the end of the week you were sleeping fine. Daddy and I were very grateful that Grandma and Grandpa would take you and your sister in the morning so we could sleep in, to make up for your not letting us go to bed before 11pm the first few nights.

Even with a bad night's sleep, you're adorable (not from vacation, just another rough night)

You're still working on teeth, although I think your bottom two are on the way. I hope they come soon!

It's hard to believe there have been even more changes and achievements since then! I love you, little man!

Love,
Mama

My dapper dude